live blogging the last bush SOTU address

9:01 – the twins are in the house. Hopefully they’re sober.

9:05 – Madame Speaker! Pelosi might be a little crazy, but it’s still got a nice ring.

9:05 – walking in: last time he’ll be doing this!

9:06 – Bush’s approval rating: 31%, Congress approval rating: 18%. I hope they realize this isn’t like golf, the lowest number isn’t the goal.

9:07 – Obama and Ted Kennedy are sitting together. BFF4EVA!

9:09 – Nancy’s hair is looking nice, but she’s a terrible liar. ‘Distinct honor’ to present the President?

9:10 – omg, Pelosi is blinking again!

9:11 – trust to make ‘wise decisions’? Evidently he didn’t get his own memo.

9:12 – mention of the recession. DRINK!

9:12 – mention of the housing market. DRINK!

9:14 – the IRS accepts both checks and money orders! HAHAHA!

9:15 – make the tax relief permanent — Repub side in standing ovation, Dems appear to pout.

9:15 – now he’s into spending tax dollars wisely? How much are we losing in Iraq per day? [Note: $275 million]

9:16 – okay, new drinking word: VETO.

More after the jump..

i. rack.

find the turkey..

hey, 50/50 odds ain’t too bad..

Happy day o’ gorging.

Related:

http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2004/11/true-meeting-of-minds.html

dear. w.

Dear President Bush:

I’m about to go to Mexico with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me.

I’m going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I’m on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won’t make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don’t enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P. Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,
One FED UP American
Verna Riddles

real. bust.

It’s official: Season 18 of the Real World will be headed to Denver. After months of speculation that the 18th season would be based in the Royal Oak neighborhood of Detroit, MTV has released an official statement officially confirming that season 18 will be located in Denver. Construction on a former nightclub in the LoDo neighborhood is already taking place (on Market Street in the former B-52 nightclub). The season will begin filming in about a month or so, it will premiere in October of this year.
via RWRR blog
I’m still shocked that ATL hasn’t been hit up given its reputation of being so ghetto fab (Luda, Usher, Yin Yang Twins, etc.)

The real reason why I work Saturday evenings:
Senior Editor: But I just wonder why you’re in on Sat nights…. are you banned from every bar in Georgia?
DP: shhhh
Senior Editor: Don’t worry — Lou Dobbs is on your side
DP: i have to maintain a low profile until my notoriety wanes
Senior Editor: can’t get much lower than a sat night at dotcom….

And, have a happy Easter.
EV1LMOLLY: Yet another reason why I love South Park: “The comedy — in an episode aired during Holy Week for Christians — instead featured an image of Jesus Christ defecating on President Bush and the American flag.”

jfromfar: Because this afternoon is DParific.

live! sort of.

Half assed blogging of the State of the Union

8:46 – Breaking: Cindy Sheehan arrested.. the SOTU hasn’t even started yet and this is already awesome. For what we do not know, in need of some of those wiretaps..

8:49 – these live pictures look like a DC version of the red carpet – lots of famously important people, but not so much for the eye candy. And by important we mean those of us who have been to college and know who Joe Biden is.

8:53 – loving these Nixon and Vietnam comparisons.. mandates are us.

8:54 – Cindy Sheehan brought an antiwar sign (which is obviously illegal, actually all are) to the party and thus the reason for her arrest. Dumbass. Hope she doesn’t get stuck in the Capitol drunk tank. Or actually, take that back.

8:55 – shot of Harriet Miers, still rocking the fem mullet, a femullet if you will.

8:58 – shout out Obama.. mmm.

8:59 – Laura’s got cotton candy pink suit and I want it. I wonder how her hair stays so helmet like though.

9:00 – T-minus 5 min.. I wonder if they need seat fillers?

9:01 – Alito’s first appearance.. recognized him by his bald spot. How’s today for a job orientation?

9:06 – all this fashion talk, I wonder if anyone is rocking the Supreme Court robes commando? NEW GUY! NEW GUY! Consider it a right of passage.

9:09 – is W wearing a purple tie? Ballsy.

9:11 – still applauding.. drink break.

9:12 – aww, Cheney and Hastert coordinated their outfits. They are also secretly holding hands behind the podium.

9:12 – first standing ovation of the speech.

9:15 – first 9/11 reference. Chug.

9:17 – talks of liberating other countries.. write these down, your kids are getting shipped there next week.

9:17 – ZING! bin Laden mention.

9:19 – “There is no honor in retreat” but by honor we aren’t referring to questionably legal wiretapping.

9:22 – Oh, we are winning the war. Who knew?

9:24 – “Hindsight is NOT wisdom”. So, fool me once..

9:26 – shots of the audience would be way more exciting if they were wearing Gucci instead of Jones New York. Hollywood for ugly people I suppose.

9:27 – “Let us never forget the sacrifices of America’s military families.” Unless your name is Cindy Sheehan.

9:30 – IRAN WANTS NUKULAR WEAPONS!

9:31 – [on Iran] “America respects you, and respects your country. We want to be friends.” And by friends we want to come over and play with our tanks.

9:34 – Organized crime? Since when was this an issue? Is Tony Soprano a seat filler?

9:39 – tax cuts = economic growth. Now if only we were wealthy enough to get one of those.

9:41 – I think Cheney has just broken a sweat with all the up-and-down ovations. I hope the Cabinet stretched properly prior to making their entrance.

9:42 – Clinton joke. Hilary is not amused.

9:43 – “Congress did not act on my plan for social security.” Standing ovation, dems. Hilary is happy again.

9:51 – “Here we have a serious problem: America is addicted to oil.” They say admitting it is the first step..

9:54 – does W even know what ethanol is?

9:57 – human-animal hybrids! Are we gonna make unicorns and leprechauns too?

9:58 – en summary, hybrid cars = good. hybrid mutants = bad.

10:01 – HIV/AIDs chatter.. but contraception is not allowed if you’re a teenager.

10:03 – all over folks.. do you think he’s gonna kiss Leiberman again?

10:04 – Breaking: Sheehan arrested for a T-SHIRT.

10:06 – is he giving out autographs? Yes, yes he is. Hope he signs some boobs.

10:06 – Bush has “much more modest initiatives this year”. Guess we should cancel our tickets to Mars.

Related:
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2006/01/state-of-union-drinking-game.html
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2005/02/live-from-state-of-union-via-georgia.html
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2005/02/sotu-drinking-game.html

SPOON10: don’t you worry my little liberal friend, i blog’d the state of the union for you
dwells on dreams: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dwells on dreams: i was seriously hoping you might

state of the union drinking game

Cause there’s no possible way to watch this thing sober. PS will hopefully be live blogging the event tonite.

 

Sure, 2 drinks for every mention of “God” will get you loaded — but where’s the sport? Here’s a couple variations:

• Every time Bush mentions Iran: 1 drink
• Hamas: 1 drink
• North Korea: 1 drink
• Bush begins a sentence with “British Intelligence…”: Drink an entire bottle of whatever you were drinking three years ago, throw it at the TV
• Bush mentions the people of New Orleans: Cry into your beer, then drink it.
• Bush mentions the people of New Orleans in a positive light: Shot of bitters.
• Bush mentions Hurricane Katrina: Tell person sitting next to you that you’ll refill their glass, leave town for a couple days.
• Bush mentions Hurricane Katrina in a positive light: Check the label.
• Every time Bush makes reference to a previous President’s SOTU address: 1 drink.
• If the reference is to a Democratic President’s speech: 2 drinks.
• To Grover Cleveland’s 1888 address: Finish the bottle.
• Bush mentions Coretta Scott King: pour out a 40 on the curb.
• Chris Penn: Pour out a 40, a steak, and a milkshake on the curb.
• “Health Savings Accounts”: Enjoy the freedom to choose a drink you can’t afford.
• Bush ends the speech with “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?”: A billion drinks.

Wonkette

 

Related:

http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2005/02/live-from-state-of-union-via-georgia.html

http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2005/02/sotu-drinking-game.html

sober. genic.

ohnocheese: do you have pics of you and lt
SPOON10: i don’t have a SOBER pic of me and lt
ohnocheese: didn’t ask for that dummy

When I’m rich and famous, I’m just gonna start wearing random rings on my left hand to throw everyone off.
CNN.com: White House: Bush daughter not engaged

Note to self.. while Operation: Find Seamstress was successful, Mission “find something appropriate to wear to work not involving currently missing pants” is slightly more difficult than previously anticipated. And by previously anticipated I mean not at all.

You know the Victoria’s Secret commercial where the Angels writhe around in curtains, roll around in beds, walk around in their bras and heels while Jingle Bells plays in the background?
Nothing says, “It’s holiday time bitches” like freakish foreign supermodels in their underoos.
[BbD]

Supposedly the first picture of Violet Ann Affleck. A little torn because as much as I love Alias, I hate Ben Affleck and even more, hate the color purple (so therefore Violet too). I suppose she could be named after a fruit, though.

shout out to my Texas fanclub..
guyzbliss: yeah, you entertain us all
guyzbliss: everyone waits for the lunch update
guyzbliss: your influence is obviously immeasurable

and just for the memory.. remember my “Chiara on the Countertop” party? Brilliant.

Auto response from madmarcher1034: stacy and i are starting a new major, we are now majoring in poor life choices

why is there nothing I want for xmas that is under $300??

commander, chief.

Lovely.

rim. shot.

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, “Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident.”

“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks…”How many is a Brazillion??!”

and you know you want another..

Last night they asked President Bush what he thought about Roe versus Wade.

He said, “I don’t care how the people get out of New Orleans.”

ha. ha. ha.

your. president.

This is the most brilliant use of Flash ever witnessed..

Flailing Bush

Fwd: Vacation is Over, An Open Letter

While Michael Moore is definitely not one of my favorite people, this is a good read:

———-
FW: Vacation is Over… an open letter from Michael Moore to George W. Bush

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It’s Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren’t there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn’t want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don’t like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don’t let people criticize you for this — after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don’t listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers’ budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn’t cut the money to fix those levees, there weren’t going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them — BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn’t stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It’s not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C’mon, they’re black! I mean, it’s not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don’t make me laugh! Race has nothing — NOTHING — to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,
Michael Moore
http://www.michaelmoore.com/

P.S. That annoying mother, Cindy Sheehan, is no longer at your ranch. She and dozens of other relatives of the Iraqi War dead are now driving across the country, stopping in many cities along the way. Maybe you can catch up with them before they get to DC on September 21st. http://www.bringthemhomenowtour.org/userdata_display.php?modin=50

free. dom.

Hooray for independence and the freedom to wear a dress. Even if you are the leader of the free world.

PS what’s he keeping under there anyway.. the cabinet?

live. blogging.

Liveblogging the Fort Brag Speech

 

7:59: Of course we’re watching Fox. Get the a load of that backdrop. What country are we in again? Brit Hume totally thinks today’s polling is good news, because "they agree with what we’re doing." Yes, but not how we’re doing it.
8:00: Look at the soldiers. Or, as they’re also known, "props."
8:01: No applause on entrance. What are you thinking, Dan Bartlett?
8:02: First mention of 9/11. Drink.

8:04: Second mention of 9/11. We’re going to be soooo drunk.
8:05: "Like most Americans, I see the images of violence and bloodshed." Unlike most Americans, I could have prevented it.
8:08: We heart Fox lower thirds. Some we’ve seen: "Bush: We will take fight to the enemy." "Bush: Iraq is the latest battlefield in this war." "Bush: We’re helping the Iraqis build a free nation." "Bush: Has incredibly big penis."
8:10: You know, it’s true, the terrorists haven’t prompted a "mass withdrawal." It’s been more drips and drabs. An operative writes: "Also civil beheadings are way down, but they don’t seem to be touting that."
8:11: Yes, lots of money pouring into Iraq. Most going to Halliburton. That tent they hired 20 people to clean? It’s… pretty clean.
8:13: Quoting Gerard Schroeder? He cares about Europe NOW?
8:14: Yes, this is all "to complete the mission". . .that we already accomplished
8:16: Operative comments: "The primary goal of the military is to find and defeat the terrorists? Really? How’s that search for bin Laden going?"
8:17: And again from the peanut gallery: "’As the Iraqis stand up, we will stand down?’ What is this, muscial chairs?"
8:19: "We’ve learned that Iraqis are courageous." And easily exploded.
8:19: "Some people have asked me, if the mission is so important, why not send more troops?" Well, we don’t really have them.
8:20: "I will continue to be guided by the advice that matters…" Dick, wanna come over here for a second?
8:21: "The next step is to write a good constitution." I.e., NO ASS FUCKING.
8:23: The terrorists want to "create chaos for the cameras". . .BUT THAT’S JOEL SCHUMACHER’S JOB. No, seriously — Joe Klein, your agent is on line two.
8:24: Even he doesn’t believe this shit anymore.
8:26: Oh, 9/11 again, right? "Returns to strike us again?" Are we scared of the terrorists or the DHS?
8:27: Operative wisdom: "’If evil is not confronted, it gains in strength.’ Does that explain Cheney’s clean bill of health?"
8:29: Military families, "the burden of war falls especially hard on you." Because of the dying and whatnot.
8:30: Wait, we don’t need any more troops, but, you know, PLEASE ENLIST NOW.
8:31: Fox very impressed with President’s punctuality. "Under 30 minutes," swoons Brit. We will avoid thinking of what it means that now we’ll be able to watch "Empire" on ABC after all.
8:33: We hear that ABC’s Terry Moran just pointed out that the "the applause that interrupted the speech was initiated by a member of the White House advance team." Well, you know, as long as they don’t put a timetable on withdrawal.
8:36: As some colonel on PBS just said, "When you go to war, it’s very important that you kill the right people." Seems a good note to end on.

-compliments of wonks

you love it.

(An oldie but a goodie) You know you’re a Republican when…
…Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

…trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

…A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

…Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

…the best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

…providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

…global warming is junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

…being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

flash from the past

knecht cup
Originally uploaded by dpnation.

After cleaning off Katherine’s computer, we found this amusing picture.. oh, lanni.

F-bomb Costs TV Guy A Job [NYDN]

Think you have an eating disorder? You probably do! So get over your anorexia, and train like a competive eater. [Black Table] via Gawker

Hayden Christiansen “wouldn’t mind giving George Bush a good shaking with my light-saber”

Tony Danza has a morning show? Changing channel.. (the things I miss because I go to work!)

faaaacinating

CNN.com: TOP 25 MOST FASCINATING PEOPLE

25) Steven Spielberg

24) Oprah Winfrey

23) Rev. Billy Graham

22) Princess Diana

21) Michael Jordan

20) Alan Greenspan

19) Mother Teresa

18) Lech Walesa

17) Newt Gingrich

16) Steve Jobs

15) Ariel Sharon

14) Sam Walton

13) Saddam Hussein

12) Margaret Thacher

11) Bill Gates

10) Yasser Arafat

9) Nelson Mandela

8) Mikhail Gorbachev

7) Osama bin Laden

6) Bill Clinton

5) Deng Xiaoping

4) George W. Bush

3) Ayatollah Khomeini

2) Pope John Paul II

1) Dana Jane Prey*

*okay, so technically they haven’t announced the #1 most fascinating person, but this is just the overwhelming consensus prediction.

CNN.com – Top 25: Fascinating people – May 2, 2005

FUN-nel

Buzz258: hey maybe you can help me with seomthing….
Buzz258: well here in france they dont know how to funnel
Buzz258: well they dont have beer funnels ya know
SPOON10: that is the greatest tragedy i’ve ever heard
Buzz258: so i’m gonna make my friends one
Buzz258: but i’ve never made one myself
Buzz258: so i was thinking that you are a professional
Buzz258: went straight to the source haha

p.2
Shaq does no good for his image ungraciously belittling Nets coach “Laura” Frank after the Heat swept the Nets. Just take the broom and go home.
Why does Shaq call everyone he dislikes a girl? Go beat your wife or something.

Washington Whispers: Kerry is set for ’08
Give up, shut up, dude.

The Consumer Price Index is rising. The Federal Reserve Board is expected to increase short-term interest rates tomorrow. But perhaps the most troubling economic indicator these days is the alarmingly static Bush Twins Unemployment Index. If you’re a poor kid and you can’t get a job, well, it’s probably because you’re lazy and you don’t have the right clothes. But if your dad is the most powerful man in the world and you still can’t get a job, even though you graduated from prestigious universities eleven months ago, well, something is definitely wrong with the economy.
-wonks

always thought it was strange to have friends call me dana instead of dp.. (only happened in ATL. weird. feels like i’m in trouble all the time).

marathon. monday.

A national holiday up in Beantown.. if only I could be there! (not running, but drinking aggressively like the rest of the BC kids..)

Dance ten, looks two? “In a recent online poll conducted by Esquire magazine, 11,000 women in 15 countries were asked to rate Bush’s sex appeal on a scale of one to 10, and America’s commander-in-chief failed to register much more than a two.”
Esquire Poll Gives Low Marks for Bush’s Sex Appeal [Reuters]

Woman beats off burglar with gnome

It’s not easy living on Dork Street
This totally goes along with my rule of satisfactory mailing addresses. While looking for new apts this spring, Street Name was a large factor in the decision. Nobody wants to live on Busbee Ave (or Dork St for that matter). So, if you had noticed, the final decision came between 17th St. and State St., both fulfilling their acceptable street name categories. (Originally we wanted to live on Peachtree St. just because, well, it’s freakin Peachtree..) Hey, nobody wants ugly stationary.

what would jesus.. say?

Somebody’s going to hell.. but at least they will go filthy rich. Jesus, the talking doll version.

Perennial underachiever AMC only takes the bronze in DCSOB’s rundown of the most loathsome Washingtonians. Ahead of her still: Tom “I am the Federal Government!” DeLay and D.C. council member Adrian Fenty, chief architect of Ward 4′s War On Olde English 800. AMC earns her place thanks to her “lazyriffic” work ethic, but really, if not working very hard is all it takes to place high in the ranks of D.C.’s most loathsome, how come President Bush doesn’t even make the list? (GREG BEATO)
Washington’s Most Loathsome

phattatattat: i bought a jeep!
SPOON10: SHOTGUN
phattatattat: por supuesto
phattatattat: you’re #2 in command
phattatattat: we can put our campaign signs on the side and drive around

ESPN.com – Arkansas practice jerseys not so pretty in pink

Today’s Post has a simple message: Diets don’t work, but costly and dangerous gastric bypass surgery sure does.