top. 50.

Okay, so it’s a little past the “Year in Review” window. However, this one is so good, it must be posted.

The 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2004
40. Laura Bush
Oh the first lady, what an inspiration she must be to android researchers everywhere. Smile, nod, smile, (look interested) nod, put on $50,000 dress, suck off the president and there you have a typical day for the first lady. Corporate yes-wives like her will hasten the coming of mandated burkas for American women. Actually looks related to George, which might explain their mongoloid children.
Smoking Gun: She married George Bush.
Punishment: Chugging a gallon of stem cells on Fear Factor.

22. Michael Jackson
Crimes: Surgically transforming himself into a ghastly artificial creature, and then forcing himself on little boys. His ability to remain at large and to find parents still willing to let their kids sleep over at Jackson’s elaborate child trap both indicate a failure of our species as a whole.
Smoking Gun: “Jesus juice?”
Punishment: Forced to record and release new single as part of plea agreement, “Don’t Let Your Son Go Down on Me.”

19. Zell Miller
Crimes: Part Yosemite Sam and Part Foghorn Leghorn. Miller doesn’t make the list for his salivating, traitorous keynote speech at the Republican National Convention, or even the duel thing with Chris Matthews. He makes the list because he really does represent Southern Democrats. Miller was chief of staff for diehard racist Georgia Governor Lester Maddox, who used to own a restaurant where he’d hand out pick handles to his customers to beat any black people that might try to come in. The Democratic party really isn’t the party he once knew—thank God.
Smoking Gun: Won’t switch parties, just to be a pain in the ass.
Punishment: Death by torrential barrage of spitballs while watching his granddaughter make out with Big Pun.

via Buffalo Beast


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