live blogging the last bush SOTU address

January 28, 2008

9:01 – the twins are in the house. Hopefully they’re sober.

9:05 – Madame Speaker! Pelosi might be a little crazy, but it’s still got a nice ring.

9:05 – walking in: last time he’ll be doing this!

9:06 – Bush’s approval rating: 31%, Congress approval rating: 18%. I hope they realize this isn’t like golf, the lowest number isn’t the goal.

9:07 – Obama and Ted Kennedy are sitting together. BFF4EVA!

9:09 – Nancy’s hair is looking nice, but she’s a terrible liar. ‘Distinct honor’ to present the President?

9:10 – omg, Pelosi is blinking again!

9:11 – trust to make ‘wise decisions’? Evidently he didn’t get his own memo.

9:12 – mention of the recession. DRINK!

9:12 – mention of the housing market. DRINK!

9:14 – the IRS accepts both checks and money orders! HAHAHA!

9:15 – make the tax relief permanent — Repub side in standing ovation, Dems appear to pout.

9:15 – now he’s into spending tax dollars wisely? How much are we losing in Iraq per day? [Note: $275 million]

9:16 – okay, new drinking word: VETO.

More after the jump..

Read the rest of this entry »


i. rack.

March 22, 2007

find the turkey..

November 23, 2006

hey, 50/50 odds ain’t too bad..

Happy day o’ gorging.

Related:
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2004/11/true-meeting-of-minds.html

dear. w.

April 24, 2006

Dear President Bush:

I’m about to go to Mexico with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me.

I’m going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I’m on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won’t make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don’t enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P. Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,
One FED UP American
Verna Riddles


real. bust.

April 14, 2006

It’s official: Season 18 of the Real World will be headed to Denver. After months of speculation that the 18th season would be based in the Royal Oak neighborhood of Detroit, MTV has released an official statement officially confirming that season 18 will be located in Denver. Construction on a former nightclub in the LoDo neighborhood is already taking place (on Market Street in the former B-52 nightclub). The season will begin filming in about a month or so, it will premiere in October of this year.
via RWRR blog
I’m still shocked that ATL hasn’t been hit up given its reputation of being so ghetto fab (Luda, Usher, Yin Yang Twins, etc.)

The real reason why I work Saturday evenings:
Senior Editor: But I just wonder why you’re in on Sat nights…. are you banned from every bar in Georgia?
DP: shhhh
Senior Editor: Don’t worry — Lou Dobbs is on your side
DP: i have to maintain a low profile until my notoriety wanes
Senior Editor: can’t get much lower than a sat night at dotcom….

And, have a happy Easter.
EV1LMOLLY: Yet another reason why I love South Park: “The comedy — in an episode aired during Holy Week for Christians — instead featured an image of Jesus Christ defecating on President Bush and the American flag.”

jfromfar: Because this afternoon is DParific.


live! sort of.

January 31, 2006

Half assed blogging of the State of the Union

8:46 – Breaking: Cindy Sheehan arrested.. the SOTU hasn’t even started yet and this is already awesome. For what we do not know, in need of some of those wiretaps..

8:49 – these live pictures look like a DC version of the red carpet – lots of famously important people, but not so much for the eye candy. And by important we mean those of us who have been to college and know who Joe Biden is.

8:53 – loving these Nixon and Vietnam comparisons.. mandates are us.

8:54 – Cindy Sheehan brought an antiwar sign (which is obviously illegal, actually all are) to the party and thus the reason for her arrest. Dumbass. Hope she doesn’t get stuck in the Capitol drunk tank. Or actually, take that back.

8:55 – shot of Harriet Miers, still rocking the fem mullet, a femullet if you will.

8:58 – shout out Obama.. mmm.

8:59 – Laura’s got cotton candy pink suit and I want it. I wonder how her hair stays so helmet like though.

9:00 – T-minus 5 min.. I wonder if they need seat fillers?

9:01 – Alito’s first appearance.. recognized him by his bald spot. How’s today for a job orientation?

9:06 – all this fashion talk, I wonder if anyone is rocking the Supreme Court robes commando? NEW GUY! NEW GUY! Consider it a right of passage.

9:09 – is W wearing a purple tie? Ballsy.

9:11 – still applauding.. drink break.

9:12 – aww, Cheney and Hastert coordinated their outfits. They are also secretly holding hands behind the podium.

9:12 – first standing ovation of the speech.

9:15 – first 9/11 reference. Chug.

9:17 – talks of liberating other countries.. write these down, your kids are getting shipped there next week.

9:17 – ZING! bin Laden mention.

9:19 – “There is no honor in retreat” but by honor we aren’t referring to questionably legal wiretapping.

9:22 – Oh, we are winning the war. Who knew?

9:24 – “Hindsight is NOT wisdom”. So, fool me once..

9:26 – shots of the audience would be way more exciting if they were wearing Gucci instead of Jones New York. Hollywood for ugly people I suppose.

9:27 – “Let us never forget the sacrifices of America’s military families.” Unless your name is Cindy Sheehan.

9:30 – IRAN WANTS NUKULAR WEAPONS!

9:31 – [on Iran] “America respects you, and respects your country. We want to be friends.” And by friends we want to come over and play with our tanks.

9:34 – Organized crime? Since when was this an issue? Is Tony Soprano a seat filler?

9:39 – tax cuts = economic growth. Now if only we were wealthy enough to get one of those.

9:41 – I think Cheney has just broken a sweat with all the up-and-down ovations. I hope the Cabinet stretched properly prior to making their entrance.

9:42 – Clinton joke. Hilary is not amused.

9:43 – “Congress did not act on my plan for social security.” Standing ovation, dems. Hilary is happy again.

9:51 – “Here we have a serious problem: America is addicted to oil.” They say admitting it is the first step..

9:54 – does W even know what ethanol is?

9:57 – human-animal hybrids! Are we gonna make unicorns and leprechauns too?

9:58 – en summary, hybrid cars = good. hybrid mutants = bad.

10:01 – HIV/AIDs chatter.. but contraception is not allowed if you’re a teenager.

10:03 – all over folks.. do you think he’s gonna kiss Leiberman again?

10:04 – Breaking: Sheehan arrested for a T-SHIRT.

10:06 – is he giving out autographs? Yes, yes he is. Hope he signs some boobs.

10:06 – Bush has “much more modest initiatives this year”. Guess we should cancel our tickets to Mars.

Related:
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2006/01/state-of-union-drinking-game.html
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2005/02/live-from-state-of-union-via-georgia.html
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2005/02/sotu-drinking-game.html

SPOON10: don’t you worry my little liberal friend, i blog’d the state of the union for you
dwells on dreams: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dwells on dreams: i was seriously hoping you might


state of the union drinking game

January 31, 2006
Cause there’s no possible way to watch this thing sober. PS will hopefully be live blogging the event tonite.
 
Sure, 2 drinks for every mention of “God” will get you loaded — but where’s the sport? Here’s a couple variations:
  • Every time Bush mentions Iran: 1 drink
  • Hamas: 1 drink
  • North Korea: 1 drink
  • Bush begins a sentence with “British Intelligence…”: Drink an entire bottle of whatever you were drinking three years ago, throw it at the TV
  • Bush mentions the people of New Orleans: Cry into your beer, then drink it.
  • Bush mentions the people of New Orleans in a positive light: Shot of bitters.
  • Bush mentions Hurricane Katrina: Tell person sitting next to you that you’ll refill their glass, leave town for a couple days.
  • Bush mentions Hurricane Katrina in a positive light: Check the label.
  • Every time Bush makes reference to a previous President’s SOTU address: 1 drink.
  • If the reference is to a Democratic President’s speech: 2 drinks.
  • To Grover Cleveland’s 1888 address: Finish the bottle.
  • Bush mentions Coretta Scott King: pour out a 40 on the curb.
  • Chris Penn: Pour out a 40, a steak, and a milkshake on the curb.
  • “Health Savings Accounts”: Enjoy the freedom to choose a drink you can’t afford.
  • Bush ends the speech with “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?”: A billion drinks.
Wonkette
 
Related:
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2005/02/live-from-state-of-union-via-georgia.html
http://dpnation.blogspot.com/2005/02/sotu-drinking-game.html